Hard Things

I have been putting off this post.  I decided not to write it at first.  Then I changed my mind, wrote it, re-wrote it, deleted it, and wrote it again.  It feels weird to put something like this, our experience and emotions, out on the internet for people to read.  But it feels even worse to ignore it and go on posting about our life without saying anything.  I can't do that.

Just one week after announcing that we were expecting our first baby, I had a miscarriage at the beginning of my 12th week.  It was a horrible weekend and something I hope to never experience ever again.  It still doesn't make sense, it still hurts, I still have a lot of questions, and sometimes I still get emotional when I think about it.  But I did learn a lot and there were some really incredible blessings and tender mercies that came from this.

One of those was the incredible outpouring of support and love from our family and friends.  My mom came out as soon as she could and was here less than 12 hours after I went to the ER.  It was SO nice to have her here to take care of us and to distract me for a few days when Greg went back to work :)  We received many, many phone calls, text messages, and e-mails from so many people who love us.  Gorgeous flowers were sent by

 My work (everyone was SO supportive and understanding.  I didn't have to worry once about taking any time off.  I really, really love my job)

 My dad and Ryan

 My incredible high school girl friends.  Though we are miles apart and I rarely get to see them, I know they are always there for me.  

My Aunt Shannon and Uncle Mike and their family

My house felt like a garden for almost 2 weeks and I just loved it.

It really was amazing to feel the love and support from our families and friends.  It truly meant a lot to us and I can't thank those of you who called, sent flowers and cards, e-mailed, and texted us enough.  It is wonderful to know we have such a strong support system!  It makes going through tough times a little easier.    

It is a strange feeling, grieving someone you never knew.  I wanted to have something that would give me a tangible reminder of this experience and this baby, but also serve as a positive reminder of the faith and hope for the future we gained from it.  My parents bought me this beautiful necklace and I think it fits that purpose just perfectly.

  The stone is Aquamarine.  The birthstone for March, the month our baby was due.  The words say faith, courage, love

  

We have a lot of all three.  That is what I hold onto.